The Hills Roll On

Friends, family, dear readers who have stuck with us this far…

Should I apologize or just smile and assume you understand?  It’s not that I couldn’t write these past few months (ummm, more like 8 months if I count it), it’s that I didn’t.

Sigh…the sad truth is that I was nursing my grief.  Avoiding so many letters, calls and emails..yes, even Facebook.  It still tears me up to not be where I’d like to be; for it to be so hard to stay, so hard to go, and not to know ‘for sure’ which one to pursue.  Some days I feel like I know that I know “this” (Ottawa and all that it entails) is exactly right where we should be…other days I grit my teeth and note to myself that I could be doing “this” anywhere in the world and I’d rather be back in Minneapolis (and all that that entails).

I am comforted by something Madeleine L’Engle said once about doubt; that our faith isn’t faith unless there is a measure of doubt that comes to shake it to the core; to test it’s foundation to see if it was built on shifting sand or set deep in the bedrock.  So doubt isn’t my enemy after all…just a friendly test to keep me real.

Everyone wants to know: “What’s next?”  I’d like to know too.  Do you?  I mean honestly, do you know “what’s next” in your life?  All you know is today.  Make your plans, sure.  Be responsible and enjoy your loved ones and the luxuries you choose to afford, but know that all you have is today.

So for today, I will busy myself with the humble hidden ministry of caring for my small children, delighting myself in God who loves me just as I am and is pleased with my simple yet profound service unto Him and this dear family He’s entrusted me with.  I hold the desires of my heart close to His and once again choose to trust His timing and His Love.

Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 27th, 2008 at 7:27 pm and is filed under Glimpses, Latest. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.