From Glory to Glory ~ the next installement
I would never have known that THIS would be the next installement. He never ceases to AMAZE me.
I’ve been reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge, and seriously, I can’t capture what I want to say about the book and even more what God is doing in me during this time. I wish we could be face to face again and talk about it now….another time perhaps?
Just safe to say for now that God is doing what He promises to do in Philippians 1:6…He is carrying through to completion that which He has begun. He is totally ministering to deep places in my heart that I didn’t even know were there. The past 3 days have been landmarks. Subtle yet life changing. It’s like peices are falling into place. Or like the coming of spring. God’s been patiently preparing me by revealing and removing old dead things, ways, lies, ideas, whatever…all to make room for the blossoms of Resurrected Life to come bursting forth in their appointed time. Something huge in me has shifted…it’s so hard to put it only a few words. It definitely has to do with what Captivating focuses in on: the main strategy of the enemy against feminity, against women. Shaming us (feeling wrongness of being. Of something being instrisically wrong with you) primarily for being women. BEING WOMEN! Now there’s something you can’t change! You can have surgery, but you don’t change who God created you to be…not in your core. You can deny but you can’t change it. I don’t know all the points along the way that I received that lie from the father of all lies: the lie that I am unworthy to even lift my head, because I am a woman (that last word is meant to be heard in a seething disgusted tone. Like you just discovered you stepped something vile). But you better believe that is NOT God’s heart towards me, nor towards ANY woman (let alone any man for that matter!). I’ve been receiving some really deep insight, healing and release from this weighted coat of shame that I’ve been crouched under for years….and just yesterday I recognized that something had indeed changed deep within. Just like when you notice the first buds of spring, then it seems like the next day they are in shy but increasing blossom. Beauty being unveiled at last.
Yesterday on a rather ordinary grey day, during the bus right by myself into Santiago I wasn’t able to write fast enough; poetry, insights, ideas, memories…all bubbling to the surface and demanding release. I couldn’t write fast enough! Every song I heard on the worship cd I put together made me want to scream and weep for joy. Every tree I saw, every rain drop that fell, every breath I took overwhelmed me with the sheer beauty of it all. Things I’ve seen everyday, common things, are suddenly MORE. It’s like I’ve been kissed to life.
The lyrics in Nicole Nordeman’s song ‘Brave’ really captured some of the things I wanted to express…I know you might the song, but I’m going to share the song here with you, just because;)
The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
It’s safe and sound and
Until now it’s where I’ve been
Cuz it’s been fear
That ties me down to everything
But it’s been love, Your love
That cuts the strings
So long, status quo
I think I’ve just let go
You make me wanna be brave
The way it always was
It’s no longer good enough
You make me wanna be brave
I am small
And I speak when I’m spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name, and I’m ready to jump
Even ready to fall
Why did I
Take this vow of compromise?
Why did I
Try to keep it all inside?
I’ve never known a fire that didn’t begin with a flame
And every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if You believe in me
That changes everything
I could cry…in fact I do! It’s so beautiful, He’s so beautiful, HE’S SO FABULOUSLY, LAVISHLY, GOOD!!!! Only He knows, only He could do this, only He can touch the deepest places of my being and impart the TRUTH in my core. That I am His, and I am wonderful to Him, and I am absolutely captivating in His eyes…and that His Love, His LOVE is the only thing that can truly define me…everything else is non-essential or false.
I feel…like me. *shy smile* More like me than I felt like last week. I feel more secure in His Love, more free to be who I was created and redeemed to be, more truly wonderful than I did a few days ago. I’m like the spring right now…and I didn’t even know the winter was so long because I settled for status quo. I have long believed the lie “this is as good as it gets”. But God smiled that gorgeous smile and said, “Darling, we’ve only just begun!”
He removes the leaden cloak of shame, lifts my head to look Him in the face and smiles. He calls me by name…the name only He knows. His song over me washes me in the deepest places, bringing healing I never even knew I needed. I am weak, but leaning on My Beloved. He helps me to stand and begin to take steps forward in my unashamed glory as His Betrothed. I don’t have to work to earn or keep this love. I simply abide in Him, my Source. I know am a flawed vessel, but my aim in life is not to conceal the vessel for fear of rejection by others. Rather, I am released from that wicked strategy and I step forward, out of the shadows and into His Light! I am not here to promote the vessel (myself), but rather I am here to reveal the brilliant, blazing, glimmering, sparkling, absolutely beautiful beyond description GLORY OF THE LIVING GOD!!! He fills me anew each day with more and more of His Life and this Living Water overflows, splashing on to others, waking some from their slumber, bringing relief to others who are ready to admit that nothing but He satisfies.
This is Who He is. This is What He Has Done. This is What He will Complete in me and in His Beloved Bride, the Body of Christ, the Church.
And all of us, as with unveiled faces, continued to behold as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; from the Lord the Spirit. ~ 2 Corinthians 3:18
See! There! It just happened again!!!! I know I’ve been given a gift to write, but this is a WHOLE NEW LEVEL!!!! This must be then the next level of glory He’s been leading me to. It never stops! Even in the dull times when mundaness threatens to bore me to death, even then, He is MOVING….He never stops. Let the demonic enemies of God tremble for He will complete what He has begun!
March 27th, 2006 at 8:33 pm
Oh Tara,
I thank you, and Him for sharing such beauty with me. He is showing me His strength everywhere. For a number of years now I have had a growing awareness, that as Spring unfolds and Easter comes upon us He is calling me to Him.
It was never clear to me as to why I felt the need to read the Bible every March through April, until I had a conversation with my Aunt Andrea on the phone.
She had brought me some Easter pamphlets from church, while I was unable to attend a service, or enjoy the company of my family. I had been in the hospital for three weeks.
After reading them I called her, I had to tell her how much it meant to me that she thought to bring these messages to me. I told her then, that I had an urge to read the Bible every spring and didn’t really know why. I will never forget how simple it was to understand what she told me. That it was Him who was calling me.
This year, I am committing myself to reading the entire Book. Andrea had given me a Daily Devotional Bible the Christmas following, and in reading it this time around, aloud, with my husband Aydyn. I have all sorts of questions. I find myself thirsty for more of my devotion to Him.
“Stand up and bless the LORD your God
Forever and ever! ~Nehemiah 9:9